I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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