Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
