I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
