I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How external is "for external use only"?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
