I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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