i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
