I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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