I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize