Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
