dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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