I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
