oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
