Fine. I'll sleep in my office
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
