He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
