i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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