Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize