ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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