y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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