bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
