I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize