it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
