It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
