he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
