Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
