You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
