half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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