Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
