I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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