I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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