My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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