oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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