Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize