You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
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