He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
As shirtless as possible
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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