I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
