I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
