She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
