It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
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