some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
