he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
