I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
