And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
