where does the pee come out of this thing
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
