After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
