Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
