I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you would pick up someone in the library
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
