I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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