I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
