I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
