I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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