I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
