glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
