I just threw up on my dentist
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I am midnight drunk by noon
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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