I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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