Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
