At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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