So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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