If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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