3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
