Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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