i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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