You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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