Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
