Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
